I forgot to tell y’all

… that I’ll see you in 40 days.  Yes, it is a long time, but that’s the whole point. 

I’ve never really celebrated Lent, and hence have never given anything up for its purpose.  However, I really do appreciate the idea of it and the reason for its significance.  So I’m giving it a go. 

This year, blogging is it.  

Oh, and I plan to read Psalms and Proverbs ~ aloud.  

I’ll be back soon.  In the meantime, if you are doing some desert wandering of your own, I pray it reveals much and draws you closer still. 

Trina  xo

Craft Time, Trina-style

 

…and by Trina-style, I mean simple and inexpensive. 

If I wasn’t a homeschooler, I would still see the benefit of a cute little board like this one.   But seriously, with my task of building character all day long, I really thought it would be wonderful to have an obvious, in-your-face place to write whatever relevant message or memory verse we needed to have for the day.  

So, I found myself an old frame in the basement.   It would have been the perfect little rectangular shape, but then it fell apart.  Although I tried fixing it, I gave up quickly when it wasn’t going so well.  Yes, I’m lazy like that.

Back in the basement, I found an old businessy certificate that used to hang on my office wall, back in the much easier   days when I worked as a real career woman, with a briefcase and many frequent flyer miles.   (Sidebar:  Though there are some days when I long for the peace and quiet of my professional life, I really can say I don’t miss that life at ALL.)    Anyhoo – the certificate was great in my office, but there was no way I was ever going to hang it again, so I did what any frugal and determined woman would do. 

I tore it all apart. 

I cleared a workspace in my dedicated craft room, and went to it.  

Ahem … There is no craft room.  There is, however, a kitchen counter. 

Wow!  Look at that – a hammer and a slotted spoon.  What kind of two-bit operation is this?  I guess there is no clear workspace either.  I am the queen of doing multiple projects at once, so this ‘random tools all around me’ approach makes perfect sense for me.  (And the professional organizers of the world collectively shudder…) 

First I sanded.  By ‘sanded’ I really mean I took about 18 seconds and wiped the frame with a piece of sandpaper.  Elapsed time:  18 seconds. 

Rather than head to the basement again for one of my nicer, more grown up brushes, I went right to the newly organized ‘craft drawer’ where I knew I’d find a nice fat kids brush that could do the job swiftly, with fewer brush strokes.  

Then I squeezed a little plop of paint right on the frame.  I told you I was lazy.  

I slapped it on.  Elapsed time:  54 seconds   (65 seconds if you count the time to take pictures)

I left the first coat to dry, right there in the middle of the messy counter.  Elapsed time:  5 minutes 54 seconds (enough time to take Murphy out for a quick pee and say goodnight to Caleb)

When I came back, it was dry (enough for me) so I slapped on another coat.  (Elapsed time: about 7 minutes.)

I snuck a couple scrapbooking pages from Caleb’s craft supplies.  I broke out the vinegar to clean the glass and glued the pretty paper to the frame back.  (Elapsed time:  8:45)

I used a chalk marker to write a verse.  The first one (up above) was from our devotional that morning, so it came first to mind.  

I found the chalk marker at a local fabric store in the wedding section.  I guess it’s used to write JUST MARRIED on the back windshield of the car.   I LOVE this thing and I’ve been on the hunt for a full colour set since Nester’s post about them.  I haven’t been able to find them in any stores (not even Michael’s!), so it may have to be an online purchase, which I try to avoid where possible (carbon footprint/ supporting local and all).  They’re pricey, but oh how I covet those markers. 

So with 10 minutes and a tiny piece of counter in between the dirty dishes, I’ve got a lovely frame that we use every day.   (I’m going to try some 3M hooks on my tile backsplash…  I wonder if that will work?)

My point is this.  If you have a desire to do something, it doesn’t need to be complicated or perfect.  This frame is far from either of those things, but it makes me happy.  

It’s sometimes scripture, or a good quote, and often just a reminder for a certain behaviour.  A couple times it’s just been a love note to my family.  It’s been a great addition to our daily life here at home. 

You could say it’s a Finer Thing.   Hop on over to see Amy’s sweet Finer Thing for today.  You may watch it more than once.  (I did!)

A Child’s Encouragement

“Hi Mom and Dad, I know it’s hard sometimes, but I still love you.”

I just found this old note, written by Caleb when he was five years old.  I don’t remember the circumstances surrounding it; what would have propelled my sweet young boy to write it.  In my head, however, it involves a day of frustration, bickering among siblings, a feeling of overwhelmedness (?? I think I just made that up).   He saw that his parents needed a word of encouragement and put it on paper.   Now I can call up that piece of paper as a reflection of the encouragement of a child who knows he’s loved, and who loves us back, even amidst the craziness of life.   Kids seem to give us encouragement and love right when we need it most. 

It’s like God made them with their sweet sideways smiles, adoring hugs and cute little love notes to keep us from launching them into tomorrow when things get so difficult.    God is SMART! 

Here’s to a day of encouragement for you and those you love. 

This post has been linked to Works for me Wednesday.  Hop on over to hear about how screen time works in her family.  Me likey!

The Common Thread in our Marriage

Christ. 

Plain and simple.

He’s the common thread in our marriage, and life itself.  

Our goal individually, as a couple and as a family is to live according to His will.   Sure, it’s easier to live according to my human will and do whatever it is I want, but I am wiser than that.  I want to live each day in an attempt to please my Father, because I love him. 

Our marriage was good right from its young start.  We loved each other immensely, but always felt a hunger for something more. 

When we moved to Nova Scotia in 2002, I told David we were going to find a church, that we’d hop around and spend a couple of weeks at different churches until we found one that felt right.  We started with the United Baptist Church and our search ended there.  That was 8 1/2 years ago.  

It was the best thing we could have done for our marriage. 

Our time there, but in particular the last 2-3 years, has been nothing short of extraordinary.  There is something so incredibly right about finding a body of believers with whom you can worship, pray, laugh, cry, encourage, support.  They are our chosen family and what an amazing family it is! 

Surrounding ourselves with brothers and sisters in Christ has strengthened our marriage in a way we would not have reached without the love of a good church.   Oh, we were happy enough, and seemingly stable enough.  You can love and follow Christ without a church, but it’s so. much. harder.    

Through Christ, we have reached a depth and the richness in our marriage that I could not have otherwise imagined. 

And that is our foundation for everything.  He comes first.  He’s the reason we’re here.  He’s the reason we love.  He’s the reason we’re strong.  He’s the reason we’re blessed. 

But seek first his kingdom, and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

-Matthew 6:33

I don’t know where you are in your walk with Christ, or if you’re walking with him at all, but if you are curious or feeling that you are just craving that richness in your life, I encourage you to talk to a Christian you trust.  Find someone who will not judge you, but will listen and provide some guidance.  A friend, a family member, a pastor?   If you want to chat with me privately, you can email me at joyandcontentment at gmail dot com.   I’d be more than happy to chat with you. 

I hope you’ve gleaned something useful from this series on marriage.  Love is just the most. amazing. thing!   I pray you find it in abundance, nurture it, fan the flame and keep it in check through Christ, from whom all blessings flow. 

xo

The Example of our Marriage

Okay, so I become a bit irate when I hear people talk about the ‘old ball and chain.’  Many a stand-up comic has dished out routines about how horrible marriage is and how life ends when you get married.  

I’ve also been known to get my back up when people make comments about asking ‘permission’ for David to go out with the guys.   I guess they didn’t get the memo about my husband leading.   It’s probably been about 10 years since I told David ‘no’ to anything and that includes going out with the guys.   It’s just not how I roll. 

It makes me consider the importance of modeling a good marriage.  We’ve all heard the staggering divorce statistics.   I recently read a study that showed the chances of divorce in the first four years of marriage increasing 87% if wives had a history of parental divorce, and 620% (as in:  six hundred and twenty percent!!!) if both partners did.   Does that not astound you?  Does that not want to make you sit up and take notice of the example we’re setting for our kids? 

With figures like that, you’d have to imagine that eventually, we may reach a point were virtually all marriages end in divorce.  It’s like divorce rates are applying compound interest.

It’s horrible!  And it can be prevented.

I remind myself now and then to reflect on the marriage example David and I are setting for our children.  I want to make sure we’re painting our relationship in a positive light, effectively demonstrating our affection, our roles, conflict resolution, and especially mutual respect.   Demonstrating these things will help my children to see what kind of spouse they need to be, but also what kind of person they should be searching for when the time comes.   I want their standards to be high. 

Is it obvious to my children that David comes first?

Do they see that we are both making choices in our marriage, and that we’re working at it? 

Do my children see me leaving decisions to David, allowing him to lead the family and especially me?

Are they seeing his respect for me, both outwardly and in his respect of my opinion in those decisions? 

Do my children clearly understand that their mother, through her words, attitudes and actions, is in love with their father? 

Have you ever seen a couple in their 80’s or  90’s, out for a walk and holding hands?  Does it not make you go “awwwww….” in your head?  Or maybe out loud? 

David and I are not particularly shy on the PDA front (public displays of affection).  We don’t go crazy in public or in front of our children, but we certainly hold hands, share a kiss, an affectionate glance, an embrace…many of them.  I almost always greet David at the door at the end of the day, with a hug and big ol smooch.  I think it’s important for the two of us to keep fanning the flame, but it’s also important for our family.   It gives our children both security and an example. 

(Side note:  Eden started kissing me with her head tilted to one side.   I had to explain that’s for Mom and Dad only.  She gets it now.  LOL)

We even have t-shirts. 

Oh yes.  We do.   

Actually, there’s a great story behind them.  David was in Toronto on business on the day I was browsing on the Union 28 website.  (I love them and what they are doing!)  I told him I wanted to order a “My husband rocks.”  shirt and asked him if he’d wear one that says “I love my wife.”  Not only did he say he’d love to wear it, he told me he was *this* close to buying one a couple of days prior that said “I love my hot wife”  (blush)   but didn’t because he thought I’d be embarrassed.  We laughed and marvelled at the fact that we both thought the same thing in a matter of two days.  How cool is that?  

The shirts arrived and we’ve both been wearing them.  He loves his, but is disappointed that the ‘hot’ part wasn’t on it.  (double blush)    

It feels pretty good to know that my husband wants to wear his love for me across his chest for the world to see.  And why not?  In this age of high infidelity, it makes my heart smile to see a man who is proud to say he loves his wife.  And let’s face it, that’s just downright sexy! 

So, in all this work of a marriage and in all the choices that go along with it, we are choosing to model for our children.  We want to give them as good a chance as possible for a healthy marriage of their own one day.

I wonder if another study would show marriages 620% more likely to THRIVE among adult children who regularly witness love, respect, and affection between their mother and father…?

Food for thought.

And here’s to kissing in public!  🙂

The Joy in our Marriage

Anyone who knows David personally knows that he’s a funny guy.  After his blue eyes and sincere smile (both of which I saw from across the room), it was one of the first things that attracted me a teenager back in 1990.  He does a pretty great job of keeping me in stitches, and that really does give us a good jump start on the ‘JOY’ parts of our marriage. 

But ‘joy’, to me, is so much more than ‘happiness.’   I see happiness as a mood, fleeting perhaps.  Joy is harder for me to articulate, but I see it as something that is deep down inside of you.  It permeates your being.  

I’m so blessed to be able to say that I experience total joy in my marriage.  When I think over what I do to experience joy, I think of these: 

I seek it with intention.

Joy is a choice.   We have the ability to be intentional about “counting it pure joy” (James 1:2).   It can be a tough road some days, but it’s still a choice. 

“Joy does not simply happen to us.   We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” — Henri Nouwen

 

It’s a choice to smile.  The  more you smile the better you feel.  Really. 

It’s our choice to have ‘date night’ once a week.  We are intentional about that time together in order to lift up our marriage and enjoy eachother, one on one, without the distraction of children.    It’s our chance to feel truly connected.  Many a Monday, I get an email from David saying “4 more nights until date night”! 

It doesn’t cost us a thing besides the food we’re cooking and the wine we’re drinking, but it’s worth so much more than anything else we do.  

I view it as a gift.

Every good and every perfect gift is from above (James 1:17) and that certainly includes my marriage.   When I think of it as a gift, it causes me to treat it a bit more respectfully than I would if it were just something I found laying around somewhere.  

We laugh together. 

I mean serious laughter.  We play fight.  We tickle.  We crazy dance together.  We sometimes sing as loudly and badly as we can.  It’s good to get silly.   I’m telling you, it gives me a special kind of butterflies in my belly and I am drawn closer to my husband when we’re connecting on a new silliness level.

 

” Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

 –Abraham Lincoln

 

 Have fun seeking the joy in your marriage this week! 

The Difficulties in our Marriage

 

Yes, our marriage is amazing and David and I are extremely happy together.  But that doesn’t mean it comes without its challenges.  We are challenged constantly and in different ways.  

I am challenged personally. 

These are the things that have nothing at all to do with David.  Instead, they are all about me.   Mostly, it’s about how I respond to a given situation and my response can have a huge impact on my day, and on the day of everyone else in the family. 

I’m not talking here about the BIG obstacles that unfortunately exist in far too many marriages.  I’m mostly talking about the “I-can’t-believe-you-left-the-seat-up-again-itis” that infects every home.  In one form or another, the little things (like toilet seats and dirty socks and wet rags in the sink) have the ability to send us over the edge on just the right day.  It’s a part of life because nobody is perfect and we all do things that drive our spouse crazy. 

The key, folks, is not to nag. 

When we nag it puts our spouse on the defensive and that is really not a place where anybody likes to be in a relationship.  Sometimes I might very gently (or with some humour) remind David of his blunder (he should at least be aware of it after all), but delivery is everything.    Most of the time, I say nothing.  Usually, I just let it roll right off my back because for every wet towel left on the bed there are a hundred wonderful things he does.   And really, who needs another reason to be in a bad mood? 

Research has shown that the main reason for divorce after 5-7 years of marriage is conflict.  Based on this, reducing the conflict can help protect your marriage.    Talk about picking your battles!

A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

— Ruth Bell Graham 

 

So the vast majority of the time, I choose not to battle over the wet towel.  Instead I’ll just go and hang it up.  Whoop-dee-do.  No big deal.   David reciprocates by not commenting on the kitchen floor that is still filthy.   

We are challenged by outside circumstances.

These can be work-related, child-related, financial or otherwise.  We have recently begun to care for an aging parent with Alzheimer’s, and that is brand new and difficult territory for us.  All of these things can make us emotional, exhausted and put us on edge at times, but it is what it is, and with prayer and petition, we try to deal with it as best we can. 

Yes, difficulties exist at every turn, but really, they only develop into stresses if we let them.  Marriages fall apart every day for a myriad of reasons, but stress is a massive contributing factor.  How we deal with stress makes the difference between a good day and one that is not too soon forgotten.  The key to this one, for us, is down-time and communication.  We will talk more about that tomorrow, but it’s critical to talk through these things as husband and wife.  A full and boiling pot will eventually boil over. 

The speed of life  is another very real difficulty in our marriage. 

Between the Blackberry and the iPhone, the speed of business has increased to Mach VI.  With it, the expectations have increased and people expect an immediate response.  No more waiting.  Everything is instant.  And everyone wants a piece of you.  So, the age-old issue of time is a big factor. 

The issue with time is that nobody seems to have enough of it. 

I speak with some authority on the issue of a lack of time.  David has a full-time ‘9 to 5’  job and also holds a position as a decision-maker within our municipal government, that takes up between 2 and 3 evenings a week.  I have a full-time job as mother and educator of our children, and I’m also self-employed.  On top of that, we are involved in committees of the church, David is involved in music ministry as singer in a Christian contemporary/rock band, and we are both active in volunteering for our community.  Time is very precious. 

When it comes to our marriage, our response is two-fold: 

1)  We make sure to have scheduled time for each other each week.   If a dentist appointment gets scheduled because it’s important, why doesn’t time with a spouse?  Isn’t that more important than a regularly scheduled dental cleaning? 

2)  With this, naturally, comes the need to say ‘no’ to some things.  We just can’t do it all.  We have to prioritize according to our life priorities.   My marriage is second on that list of priorities, after God, and I treat it as such. 

 

As I read this back to myself, I feel sure that it accurately reflects the stumbling blocks in our marriage and the things we try to do to minimize them.  Of course, there are times when it doesn’t go as smoothly; times when I’m just in a bad mood and can’t let things roll off my back.  But after the mood passes, I look back and realize that it served no purpose other than to put the rest of the family in a bad mood.   So most of the time, I work hard to just rise above it.  Most of the time. 

My marriage is sacred.  It is the most special earthly relationship I have.  I hold it very high.  I treat it with the respect and protection it deserves.  I will work tirelessly if I need to, to make sure it stays that way.

The Structure of our Marriage

As I mentioned yesterday, this week, I’ll be sharing my thoughts and experiences regarding marriage ~ it is National Marriage Week after all.  The first in this five part series is all about how David and I structure our marriage. 

We’ve been together for 20 years now, married for 14 years in June.  I can, with all honesty, say that although we started out as completely enamoured young loves, each year, month and week since then has been even better.  Just when I think we can’t possibly grow closer, we do.  I believe in my heart of hearts that the structure of our marriage is an essential part of that closeness. 

Some have said that the “wives submit to your husbands” bit has been one of the most misunderstood parts of the bible.  So today, I am going to try to elaborate a bit on the issue and see if I might paint a clearer picture, based on my understanding of it and how we have applied it in our lives.   I’ve touched on this issue before, but I think it may be something of a mystery to some in this age of feminism and political correctness.   “How can a woman possibly submit to her husband?   A woman is not a possession, not a slave.” 

Right!    And nowhere in the bible does it tell us she is!  On the contrary in fact!    I love this translation from The Message: 

Ephesians 5:25   Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor – since they’re already “one” in marriage. 

David is the unequivocal head of this household.   I know it and the children know it.   This doesn’t mean that I don’t make any decisions for the family, but it does mean that the ultimate decision power rests with him.  He has made some decisions in the past that I had some trouble with, but as his wife, I knew I had to follow him and support him in his decision.   Because he is following God I need to trust that he is making the right decision for all of us.  Submitting to him is not meant to be a difficult thing.  It’s an attitude of love, respect and trust. 

But it only works because he loves me more than himself.  

I can’t stress the importance of that.  If he didn’t put me before himself, the role would be used as a position of power, which is not as it was intended.  

It is when things end up out of balance that they tend to fall apart.  Think of the broken marriages you know.  More often than not, there is an imbalance.  Perhaps the husband is completely full of love and amazing respect for his wife, but she is not allowing him to lead.  Or perhaps the wife is submitting to the husband, and he is not considering her more important than himself.    There is imbalance either way.

Maybe the difficulty for some people lies with the practicality of this model we were given.    “But how can you just let him make all the decisions?”

I don’t.  A great many of the decisions are mine to make.  It just makes sense as the Manager of our household.  I’m not going to confer with David on every little thing we do because it’s just not practical.  But for the big decisions, you bet I will! 

When a big decision needs to be made, we discuss it, we pray about it, both separately and together.  We discuss it some more.  David tries to understand my point of view because he respects me, and my opinion is valued.  We continue praying.  Sometimes answers don’t come when we want them and so we just sit in a holding pattern for a while.  Patience is tough, but necessary.  Through it all, I make sure that David knows he is loved immensely, and trusted without question. 

Balance. 

I’ll leave you with this commentary from Matthew Henry: 

“The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.”

 

Is that not beautiful?

_____________________________________________

This series is intended to get you thinking about marriage, perhaps, in a way you have not thought about it before.  I welcome your comments and questions and I’m big on discussion, so feel free to fire away.  🙂

Marriage Week

 

The subject of marriage is one of many that I really love to talk about.  I love it because my healthy marriage is at the core of who I am.  I’m appreciative of it every day and so it’s often at the forefront of my mind. 

It might be National Marriage Week in the US, but I can’t see any reason for those of us north of the border to take a bit of time to reflect on marriages and what it means to be committed to one another in holy matrimony.  

Of course, I can’t speak for other marriages out there.   Each is different, with varying sets of circumstances and obstacles.  But over the next few days, I am going to share my experience of marriage.   It’s a ridiculously happy one and if sharing my perspective on it has a chance of helping anyone in any way, or if it just causes someone to think a little more about marriage in general, that is a good thing. 

Here’s the low-down on the shape it will take:

Tuesday:  The Structure of our Marriage

Wednesday:  The Difficulties in our Marriage

Thursday:  The Joy in our Marriage

Friday:  The Example of our Marriage

Saturday:  The Common Thread in our Marriage

I look forward to sharing with you tomorrow.  In the meantime, Happy Monday!

Eden Singin’ It (Battistelli-Style)

I thought this would be a fitting follow-up to my post yesterday  featuring that catchy little diddy from Francesca Battistelli.   

Hard to forget how big I’m blessed with this little one, who (mostly) sees life as a song! 

Happy Weekend Everyone!!